IFL Puts The Hex On Rivals
Published by on May 13th, 2008 in Operation Cleanup

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By Charles Jay

IFL PUTS “THE HEX” ON RIVALS – OR MAYBE ON ITSELF?

You know, I’ve always been aware that there was a problem with the IFL (International Fight League, for those of you who don’t know that “brand”), but I’ve had a devil of a time putting my finger on it. It just had to be a process of elimination.

After all…

It couldn’t possibly be that there are a bunch of teams purportedly representing individual cities who have never competed in those cities, where the fighters don’t live in those cities, and therefore have no local connection whatsoever to those cities, which kind of defeats the purpose.

It couldn’t be that the teams and their “home bases” change so frequently – kind of like the old Roller Derby, or worse yet, the old World Football League – that you don’t even know who they are from show to show.

It couldn’t be that the money man/entrepreneur who started the whole thing already bailed out in a sea of red ink.

It couldn’t be that they can’t draw customers to live events in cavernous arenas that make fans think they may have walked into the wrong room.

It couldn’t be that they actually add discernible tracks of crowd noise to their telecasts to give the impression they have more spectators than there really are, which is – I don’t know – kind of cheesy.

It couldn’t be that after doing the “pump and dump” the stock price fell so badly that they can’t even give the company away, which sort of hurts the image.

It couldn’t be that they got tossed off the schedule of a broadcast network called My Network TV, and that I can’t even figure out what My Network TV is.

It couldn’t be that none of my MMA friends ever bring up the IFL (International Fight League, in case you forgot the “brand”) in conversation.

It couldn’t be that there’s no “buzz” about the operation on the internet, other than that which concerns all the other stuff I describe above that couldn’t possibly be a problem.

Of course it couldn’t.

But wait just a doggone minute – maybe the problem all along is that they’ve never had “The Hex” before.

“The Hex” is a six-sided ring, fitting conveniently between four and eight sides, if you notice, that I suppose is the IFL’s answer to the Octagon, an action which constitutes what might be one of the more expensive cases of “penis envy,” relatively speaking, on record.

Says the press release,

“The use of The Hex maintains the viewing advantage for fans in attendance as well as the television audience that the ring provides, while also allowing for the strategic benefits of a hexagonal surface.”

Call your stockbroker immediately!

So, will “the Hex” make the format of the IFL (International Fight League, as we remind you once again) more palatable? Will it make the fights more enjoyable to watch? Will it make for better competition?

Hmmm. That’s for you to decide, I guess, while you’re on hold waiting for the broker to get on the line.

“From a production and live event standpoint, the ring has proven to be the most fan and media friendly environment, as well as providing the safest possible environment for our athletes,” said the CEO of the organization, Jay Larkin. “The Hex allows for the larger surface that is utilized in other MMA organizations while still retaining the advantages we have enjoyed with the ring.”

You know what? Maybe THAT’S the problem.

These guys actually believe their own bullshit.